If I could turn back time...

I'm not sure I'd find my way but there are certainly atleast a few things I'd do diferently.

I feel lately like I'm grasping at straws...without much success.

Time, though I don't want it to hurry..sure does seem to be slipping by so quickly. I can't slow it down, much less turn it back, but if I could turn it back I would in some ways... especially knowing now what I do.

As I have mentioned before I do realize that some of you may think I am the least hurried but yet the most hurried (at last minute) person you could encounter.... nevertheless, I would certainly go back and slow down my time with my Dad. I would pay more attention, I would try very hard to remember all of the meaningful and also all of the silly little stories he would tell. ...he can't tell them anymore. I feel hurried to be able to capture the stories his life has to tell....but he is unable to share it himself with us. He is able to share the fear in his eyes, I wish I could calm his fears. I feel like I'm grasping at straws by wanting to make up time with him and to get to know him better.... and although I know I can't learn more by hearing his words, I can know him better physically and emotionally by offering him my hand and by hugging him if he is scared (when he will let us). I have been blessed to have a Father who lives his life for his family. I miss him already. He is still here with us and I love him dearly even though he doesn't appear or behave like the Dad I've always known. I don't wish upon him more suffering by slowing down time, I wish I could turn it back and prevent this from ever happening to him. I wish I could turn back time and dance an entire dance with him at my Wedding. I wish I could dance a moment with him now. I wish my Mom could dance with him a million more. I wish she could have her partner to sleep next to each night and share stories of their grandchildren's doings. I wish that like he always tried for us (even though he also let us spread our wings, or learn the hard way) I could be there to break his fall. I'll hold onto each of the moments I have with him and every one in memory and I will certainly not be in any rush to forget them. I know that a piece of him remembers too and treasures being our Dad, Grandpa and Husband to Mom. I think he's hurried to get to know his Father better by being right there with him. ...When his time comes ... he will find his way...