Words Cannot Express

There are no words profound enough to explain what the past 2 months and 2 weeks have entailed. This is in fact a great part of what has kept me from posting any messages. Words just can't explain it. There are no words profound enough to explain what life has been like and the emotions we've felt in losing our Dad. With this, I'll sign off for now with what is in my heart right now... I love you Dad and I miss you incredibly. ~Alanna Banana

If I could turn back time...

I'm not sure I'd find my way but there are certainly atleast a few things I'd do diferently.

I feel lately like I'm grasping at straws...without much success.

Time, though I don't want it to hurry..sure does seem to be slipping by so quickly. I can't slow it down, much less turn it back, but if I could turn it back I would in some ways... especially knowing now what I do.

As I have mentioned before I do realize that some of you may think I am the least hurried but yet the most hurried (at last minute) person you could encounter.... nevertheless, I would certainly go back and slow down my time with my Dad. I would pay more attention, I would try very hard to remember all of the meaningful and also all of the silly little stories he would tell. ...he can't tell them anymore. I feel hurried to be able to capture the stories his life has to tell....but he is unable to share it himself with us. He is able to share the fear in his eyes, I wish I could calm his fears. I feel like I'm grasping at straws by wanting to make up time with him and to get to know him better.... and although I know I can't learn more by hearing his words, I can know him better physically and emotionally by offering him my hand and by hugging him if he is scared (when he will let us). I have been blessed to have a Father who lives his life for his family. I miss him already. He is still here with us and I love him dearly even though he doesn't appear or behave like the Dad I've always known. I don't wish upon him more suffering by slowing down time, I wish I could turn it back and prevent this from ever happening to him. I wish I could turn back time and dance an entire dance with him at my Wedding. I wish I could dance a moment with him now. I wish my Mom could dance with him a million more. I wish she could have her partner to sleep next to each night and share stories of their grandchildren's doings. I wish that like he always tried for us (even though he also let us spread our wings, or learn the hard way) I could be there to break his fall. I'll hold onto each of the moments I have with him and every one in memory and I will certainly not be in any rush to forget them. I know that a piece of him remembers too and treasures being our Dad, Grandpa and Husband to Mom. I think he's hurried to get to know his Father better by being right there with him. ...When his time comes ... he will find his way...

Let this not be a 'pity' post...

We have had a really busy weekend... starting off with my sore throat and a trip to the dr. to get meds before the craziness of a yard sale began. Feeling sick or not, we had a yard sale to get going, so we had a lot to do. It's always great to have a chance to pass things on to others who will make use of it. It was also fun to hang out with friends and although we didn't get to sorting any more of our own junk to sell, we did manage to put out some left over stuff from a previous sale and it was great to see some of that leave the premises. The boys had fun playing outdoors for most of the day since we were very lucky to have had beautiful weather.

Then, this morning Ethan woke up with a sore throat, so we planned to head to the walk in to get his throat checked out asap... but he started throwing up so that kept us home for awhile. ..the poor kid. We made it to the walk in to find out that he does indeed have a throat infection and also that Lennon's ear infection isn't cleared up. Let's pray that this round clears it up really well and that Ethan and I both get better quickly too!

Rather than this be a pity post, I'll say that I'm thankful that we're getting this out of our systems now instead of being plagued with any germs throughout the summer or while Ryan is on holidays around Lennon's birthday! ...can you believe my Baby is turning 2?! ..I can't believe he will be in just a little over a month! Time sure does fly!

Mother's Day

I realize that Mother's Day has already past but felt that writing some of my thoughts about what a beautiful day it was would be fitting for one of my first posts. ...Motherhood is in fact what brings me here to share with all of you.

We were blessed to spend the day in Brandon with family. Brenda spoiled us (she should have been the one getting pampered) with breakfast. We got to snuggle with the newest Klemick family member, Haylee and enjoyed watching the boys dote on her...particularly Lennon. He just loves, 'Hayee'. Joel did a beautiful job of the Mother's Day service at church. He truly is talented and makes me proud. ...Mom would have been moved to tears right along with many of us had she been able to stay through the whole service to hear him sing. Sitting in church with my youngest sleeping in my lap and listening to my brother sing a beautiful song was a great way to be reminded of all that is truly important and also reaffirmed what a great Mother I have.

Ethan always looks so forward to visiting his cousins. He had fun running around with Isaiah and Kerelo at lunch and again at dinner. Since Lennon was able to catch a few zzz's at church (just like Dad always did) we had an opportunity to go see my Dad after we left church. I am thankful for each and every moment we get to spend with him. Now that I am a Mother, I not only wish I had super powers to protect and cure my own children when they're sick, but I wish I could do the same for my Dad (and mom too!). We snuck in a visit with Ryan's Mom too.

We shared dinner at Kris and Brenda's with all of the Brandon Klemicks. We really missed the rest of you. We captured some great moments and wonderful relationships on camera.

I am truly blessed and thankful to experience Motherhood and am infinitely more blessed to have such a wonderful Mother myself.

I feel hurried...

...to join the World of blogging and to have a means (outside of our hard drive) to record the goings on of my children and of our family.

After losing our hard drive and all of it's contents...yes, this unfortunately means our photos and all else that was on our computer. In the days after Lennon was born (and we actually had a lap top unlike after Ethan was born and I was never on the computer...times have even changed a lot in the 3 yrs between the two boys) I would send myself emails while I was up late or in the middle of the night nursing him to remind myself of how I felt being a Mother to these two beautiful boys. Or, seeing as I had an undated calendar, I would send myself emails recording the dates and info surrounding milestones the boys had reached. ...but, now all those recordings are gone with the computer...so, I will have to rely on memory....for as best as it can serve me anyway! In light of losing the computer and after being introduced to my friends blog which has brought me to laughter, tears and joy...I figured it was a great way to record our thoughts, and feelings and the details of our days together as a family! Now is as good as time as any.... time does fly by as much as I don't want it to go by so quickly it will, so even though some of you may think that I've got this down to an art already, I will try to achieve an unhurried sense of time by striving to slow down a little in life and really enjoy the moments we have together and to share our hearts with each other. Enjoy!